Dennis Prager

To be admired by the women they love
12/19/2010 – Dennis Prager -

It is said that the one question about men and women that even the great Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis, could not answer was: What do women want?

Whether or not Freud actually admitted his ignorance on this question is irrelevant. The very popularity of the anecdote testifies to one incontrovertible fact: A lot of men don’t know the answer.

It is probably fair to say that a lot of women also don’t know the answer. If they did, all they would have to do is tell men. That would solve the riddle — and make most men and women very happy.

So, to the extent that this is a great riddle, it is so because most members of both sexes seem not to know the answer.

Adding support to the widespread belief that what women want is close to unknowable is the underlying presumption that just about everybody knows what men want.

The number of Internet jokes that portray women’s wants as complex and men’s as simple is a testament to how widespread these assumptions about the two sexes are. Three examples illustrate this:

The first example is the one that begins: “HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN.” Listed beneath that heading is this: “Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her.”

That long list is followed by: “HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN.” And listed beneath is this: “Show up naked. Bring food.”

The second Internet example: “Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.”

And a third Internet example shows a box divided into two parts. Under the part labeled “Women” are 40 dials and knobs. Under the part labeled “Men” is one switch, marked “On-Off.”

As with most generalizations, there is much truth to these. Nevertheless, I take issue with both presumptions: that what women want is a riddle that would stump the Sphinx and that what men want is so easy it could be written on the back of a postage stamp.

In fact, I believe that both are relatively simple to answer (though neither is simple to achieve).

What does a man most want? Answer: He most wants to be admired by the woman he loves.

One proof is that the most devastating thing a woman can do to her man is to hold him in contempt. That is so devastating to a marriage that, over time, it is often more toxic than an affair. I am fairly certain that more marriages survive an affair, as difficult as that is, than contempt. Of course, this goes in both directions, but when a woman shows contempt toward her man, his very manhood is called into question.

My father and mother were married 69 years. As my brother and I have heard countless times, “She put me on a pedestal” was the quality my father most often cited in describing what a wonderful wife my mother was. She admired him, and to him that was everything. On the other hand, in describing her love for my father over all those years, my mother never once said, “He put me on a pedestal” (despite the fact that he constantly praised her). Rather, she always spoke of what a “great man” he was, how “brilliant,” etc. Of course, this is just one example, but I think it applies to the majority of men and women.

The obvious upshot of this thesis is that in order to gain a woman’s love a man must make — and keep — himself admirable.

Boys know this instinctively. Studies that have observed boys and young men reveal how much harder they work at anything — sports come immediately to mind — when they know girls are watching them.

That is why many single men in our society (often erroneously but understandably) place so much emphasis on what car they drive: They want to impress women. Yet, men couldn’t care less what car a woman drives. In fact, for most men a woman arriving on a first date in a relatively inexpensive car renders her more desirable than if she showed up in an expensive luxury car — unless the man is looking to be supported by a woman. But few women are attracted to a man they know in advance they will have to support.

So, although the Internet jokes are right about men wanting sex, it isn’t sex men most want from their woman. They want to be admired — and sex is one manifestation of a woman’s admiration for her man. When a man is regularly denied sex, in his eyes that means that his wife does not hold him in high esteem. Worse, he actually feels humiliated as a man. That, not the sex per se, is why regular denial devastates a man.

So, then, if what a man most wants is to be admired by his woman, what is it that a woman most wants?

That is the subject of the next column.

But here’s a hint. If we begin with the assumption that men and women are made to bond with one another, what she most wants must be in some way related to what he most wants.

As we shall see, it is.

HT: NRO

Like yourself, I am a non-combat veteran of the US Armed Forces. I served four years active duty in the United States Army. I served honorably as a “cold warrior” in a tactical intelligence unit near the East German Border in the FRG as an intelligence analyst and Russian translator.

I’ve not only listened to the news recently, I’ve focused on what you’ve said, the import (literal and colloquial) of the words, and listened to it in context. Though proud to state what I believe, at times forcefully, I am not prone to histrionics, and believe in giving the benefit of the doubt; I insist on the whole story, and I recognize that at times reasonable minds may differ.

Yet, while each of us fails in our own respective areas of human fallibility, your sins of semantic gilding require a bold, uneuphemized apology; I dare say, too, that your withdrawal from the election and your resignation from your current position would be the minimal steps sufficiently weighty to put substance behind the form of such an apology.

You may recall in your time in service that language which summarizes awards and commendations, to the effect that by doing such-and-such the recipient thereof has brought great credit to herself or himself, her or his unit, and the United States Army (or Navy, Marine Corps Air Force).

You, sir, by your rodentine patter, have earned the antithesis of those hallowed accolades, and have brought great shame not only on yourself, but on your fellow servicemen and women (in particular those who’ve actually faced the stark terror of combat, or the heart-wrenching rejection of the ungrateful public in the Vietnam era), the United State military, your family, your friends, your supporters, the great state of Connecticut, and attorneys general throughout the United States.

Worse, by your past deceit and your continued gnawing recalcitrance, you shame and mock the quasi-sacred electoral process itself, which is vivified each generation by those men and women of true valor whose blood nourishes the roots of the tree of American liberty.

Consider seriously, sir, the sardonic burlesque show into which your campaign and career will incongruously transmogrify should you not withdraw and resign, respectively; note well–your current office, and that which you seek, each bears with it the ironic epithet of “Honorable.” That, sir, you are not.

Most sincerely,
Thaddeus Wojcik

Catholic Online | by Jennifer Hartline | 2/11/2010

In continuing the discussion about a sexual counter-revolution and defeating the culture of death, let’s also confront the need for a fashion revolution.

Every time I walk through the mall I feel this stab of pain in my gut. It also happens in Target, Wal-Mart, the doctor’s office, the grocery store; it even happens in church. I don’t need medication for this pain. It’s not a disease – it’s grief. I’m mourning the death of modesty.

Last week I read the most perfect definition of modesty on the website for the Archdiocese of Washington. Msgr. Charles Pope wrote that “modesty is reverence for mystery.” I can’t imagine a better way to define it. And sadly, in our culture, the mystery is GONE. And with it has gone all reverence, dignity, and respect.

I’m just so sick of seeing women “on display” everywhere I go. It’s inescapable and it’s gotten trashy. I feel sorry for men today – at least the men who are attempting to be gentlemen. Men are visual creatures by design, and now the poor guys can hardly raise their eyes off their shoes without being confronted by half-naked women they’re then not supposed to look at. It’s more than inconsiderate; it’s irresponsible and disrespectful.

Women “advertise” their physical assets in skin-tight, low-cut clothing that reveals more than it covers and then are offended when they aren’t given respect for their skill and intelligence. They market themselves to the world as a sex object and are shocked when they are treated as such.

And make no mistake, ladies, when you walk around with some of the clothing styles too often displayed in public, you are marketing yourself as a sex object whether you think so or not. There’s a neon sign over your head saying “Look at my body! Don’t you think I’m hot?”

There was a time when a woman’s appeal was multi-faceted; her poise, her intelligence, her manners, her wit and savvy, her skills, and yes, her feminine style. Today it seems the only criteria to be met is being sufficiently “hot.”

It’s bad enough that adult women’s fashion has become entirely about sex, but the real grief is that sex-centered clothing is now commonplace for young girls. It is appalling to see what has become acceptable in girls’ fashion. Not a day goes by that I don’t see little girls dressed in spaghetti straps and bare midriff tops and I think back to my girlhood and know that I never would have been allowed to leave the bathroom like that.

If by some fluke I’d managed to avoid being seen by my mother, I never would have made it past my father. Thank God. Of course, the point is that my parents taught me to be a modest young lady and thus I never had any desire to wear sexualized clothing. I would’ve been mortified.

I ache with sadness to realize that mothers and fathers today do not protect their daughters’ innocence and purity by dressing them modestly. Little girls are learning at a very young age that it’s okay for their bodies to be publicly “consumed” and their self-esteem and self-image is cemented to their sexual appeal.

From a tender age, the seeds of promiscuity are planted. From that seed can grow unmarried sex, STD’s, warped ideas about sex, unintended pregnancies, unhealthy body images, destructive relationships, broken hearts, and worst of all, babies killed by abortion. Go back step by step by step, and it begins with the absence of modesty…. no reverence for mystery.

I recently went a few e-mail rounds with the president of a children’s clothing company after I got their catalog in the mail and was shocked by what I saw. The catalog featured a swimsuit for little girls (I mean toddlers, here) that was simply two small fabric patches shaped like ladybugs held up by strings over the shoulders and back.

This was supposed to be “cute” on a little girl. Just enough fabric to cover her. When I wrote to express my outrage, I was told in reply that the staff – made up mostly of moms and grandmothers – was upset that I would impugn their choice of swimwear for little girls. They would never sell anything that was inappropriate or indecent, I was told. But they thanked me for my concern and assured me that they’d take it into consideration for next year’s line.

Please. We’re living in a culture that is saturated with sex and every possible perversion of sex. Is it really beyond the realm of common sense to realize that our daughters should not be half-naked in public, even if they’re only two years old? That swimsuit was a pedophile’s dream.

Is that really so hard to understand? As far as I’m concerned, to expose a little girl’s body in public in such a manner is neglectful and dangerous. It isn’t adorable, it’s stupid and reckless. It’s inviting trouble in so many ways.

Part of successful abstinence education among our kids is going to be a successful revival of modesty in dress for young ladies. Teach a young girl that her body is sacred and should be cherished and treated with care, show her how to present herself accordingly by the way she dresses, and that girl will be much less likely to throw away her purity.

Teach girls that it is their responsibility to themselves – and to young men they meet – to set the tone for how she expects a man to treat her. Clothe yourself with dignity, girls, and show yourself the respect you deserve. A gentleman will follow your lead. A guy who won’t should be shown the door.

Toward this end, I was absolutely delighted to learn from a Catholic Online colleague about Pure Fashion, a faith-based program designed to teach young girls to live the virtues of modesty and purity. Please read on with me in part two of this article and learn more about this very exciting program that is an answer to this mom’s prayers.

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Jennifer Hartline is a Catholic Army wife and stay-at-home mother of three precious kids who writes frequently on topics of Catholic faith and daily living. She is a contributing writer for Catholic Online.

HT: CatholicOnline